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M IS FOR THE MANY THINGS SHE GAVE ME
So it's Mother's Day again, at least on Sunday it is. And it's that day when we all get to show our mothers how much they mean to us. Of course, in the Spencer household, this was never so much of an issue, because we showed our mother how much she meant to us EVERY day. So, you know, we figured that whole Mother's Day thing was a little bit of overkill. In other words, we kind of let it slide.
That all changes this year. Mom, happy Mother's Day. I want you to think of this column as yours, and yours alone. Every word I write this week, Mom, I do it for you. I can't tell you how grateful I am for all the things you've given me over the years, and I hope that this little token of my appreciation - yes, all I have to offer you is my column, Mother - can begin to express my deep love and gratitude for everything.
Mom, are we done with this whole display yet? Seriously. This is starting to hurt …
But, kids, seeing as how it's Mother's Day, I thought it only appropriate that I give a little shoutout to the mothers out there. After all, they were the ones who took care of us when we were too little to do it ourselves. And in some of our cases, they still actually find themselves having to take care of us now that we've hit early middle age. Of course, yours truly isn't a member of that camp.
 | | COURTESY PHOTO This is someone's mother. It is, however, not Andrew's. |
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Mom, while we're on the subject, do you think you could give me some advice on the laundry? I've got these red socks that got mixed in with a bunch of white shirts. …
Yes, there are certainly those times when nobody loves you like your mother. Granted, depending on your age, she's got a legal obligation to do so. Even still, your mother is one of those people in your life that you can always count on. She's there to feed you; she's there to keep you safe; she's there to make sure that you don't leave the house looking like an absolute fool and then endure a week's worth of insults from jealous people who claim to be your friends but then simply lash out at you because they don't understand your cutting-edge fashion sense.
Mom? Where the hell were you last week when I could have used you?
Our mothers are always there for us, and they don't ask much in return. Just that we act like moreor less civilized people and don't do anything that irreparably embarrasses them.
About that picture in last week's column, Mom. I can explain. Seriously.
So as a way of saying thank-you to mothers everywhere, let's all make sure to keep an eye out for young 'uns. You know, the little kids at the elementary school who may or may not be looking when they run out in the street after a ball. Incidentally, to anybody out there under the age of 104, I HIGHLY recommend looking first, as I've experienced the other side of that coin, and it's not a pleasant time. Sorry about that, too, Mom.
And while we're at it, let's think about the mothers of all of those little schoolie bass that have finally started showing up along our shores.
And yes, Mom, that segue was for you, too.
Friends and neighbors, it's that time of year again when wee-little striped bass start showing up. They're a lot of fun to catch, but they're also some time away from being keeper size. What's more, they've got mothers, too, and their mothers are no doubt worried sick about their little babies that are off tomcatting around and getting into mischief and all that. So when you're out there catching those fish, think of your own mother and how upset she'd be if you didn't come home one night. Yeah, that's right. She'd be pretty upset. Unless, of course, you were the youngest of four boys, at which point she might actually welcome the respite from having to listen to all of your complaints and feed you and house you and all that. But I digress.
These are baby stripers, folks, so go gentle. Don't drag them across the sand and throw them around and what not. Practice responsible catch-and-release techniques. Get them back in the water as quickly and with as little trauma as possible. The fish - not to mention their mothers - will be eternally grateful to you.
While we're on the subject of mothers and fishing, I read recently that mothers who ate fish with low levels of mercury while they were pregnant actually had smarter kids. Now, I don't want to go making any assumptions about my own dear, sweet mother, but I'd hazard a guess that she ate quite the boatload of fish when she was hatching yours truly. But notice the low levels of mercury part of that description. If you're in doubt about whether the fish you're eating is safe, check it out at www.gotmercury.org. Be forewarned, your favorite fish might not be quite the safe choice. For now, though, let's celebrate moms everywhere.
And yes, people, as I keep telling you, my mother is always right. It's just one of those universal truths I've learned to live with, and in the event you have any dealings with her, I'd suggest you learn to accept the fact. Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
Tight lines. I
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