My View
By Kat Robinson Grieder
Rape and sexual abuse are men's issues. It's not something you hear very often - violence against women, including rape, is generally thought to be a women's issue. I've certainly thought so, and until it was pointed out to me I never really realized how much time I and other women spend on "risk reduction." Planning and taking measures to avoid

rape is so ingrained it seems natural. For instance, take walking alone at night. If you're a guy, you think nothing of it. If you're a woman, you either don't do it or you take measures to make yourself as safe as possible: you make sure you have your cell phone; you call to make sure someone knows where you are and when to expect you; you may carry a sharp object or pepper spray; you try to stick to well lighted areas; you walk quickly, confidently; you don't make eye contact. Rape has become a women's issue because, by and large, women are the victims: one in six women will be the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime and nine of 10 victims of rape are women. Over the years women have put a lot of energy into providing services for those who have experienced the trauma of rape and into educating other women about how to protect themselves.

But risk reduction and providing services to victims does not address the root of sexual violence. Men are uniquely situated to make a true difference for two reasons: they can refrain from sexual (and other types of) violence themselves, and they can help to change the social culture that condones and perpetuates the use of force in relationships. Studies show that men perpetrate the vast majority of sexually motivated crimes, including those involving other men. We also know that 80 percent of those who are raped know their attacker. What can the "good guys" do to keep women in their lives safe from sexual violence and to not be seen as a potential rapist themselves? Here are a few suggestions (for men and women):

What Men Can Do to Help Keep Women Safe

1. Communicate clearly with your partner about your desires and listen to hers/his. If the situation is unclear, ask. By talking openly, you make sex safer for yourself and others.

2. Do not participate in or condone behavior that denigrates women. Speak up if you hear someone you know telling a joke about rape or blaming a rape survivor for being assaulted.

3. If you see someone in danger of being assaulted, step in and offer assistance if it is safe to do so or call the police. Think about how you would feel if your sister, mother, daughter, or friend were in that situation and someone witnessed it, but didn't do anything.

4. Educate yourself about the issue of violence against women. I particularly recommend www.mencanstoprape.org, www.strongmentdontbully.com and "The Macho Paradox" by Jackson Katz as places to start.

5. Talk with women about how the risk of rape affects their daily lives and how you could support them if they were raped; talk with men about how it feels to be thought of as a potential rapist and what you can do to stop sexual violence.

6. Call A Safe Place (228-0561) to find out how men can support its mission.

In recognition of April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month, A Safe Place will be holding a number of events. I invite you to attend our Open House on Monday, April 7, from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. at 24 Amelia Drive. You will be able to view our facility, meet our staff and receive information about the services we offer. Throughout the month we will have T-shirts and art supplies available for those who want to decorate a shirt for the Clothesline Project in honor of someone who has experienced sexual violence. The Nantucket Clothesline Project will be on display at the Atheneum from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on April 26. In addition, Krav Maga is offering a free selfdefense class for women on April 5 from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. and for teens on April 6 from 1 p.m. to 3p.m.

Finally, though I have been referring to women as the victims of sexual violence and men as the perpetrators, I do want to acknowledge that men are also victims of sexual violence. In fact, 10 to 20 percent of men will be sexually abused in their lifetimes. There are also a very small number of women who are perpetrators of sexual abuse. Violence and abuse is wrong no matter who the perpetrator or victim is. No one deserves to be abused.

- Kat Robinson Grieder is executive director of A Safe Place, Inc.

A Safe Place's mission is to work to eliminate domestic violence and sexual assault and to empower every woman, man and child in the Nantucket Community to live a life free of violence. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, we can help. Advocates are available 24 hours a day at 228-2111. Services are free and confidential.