WHO SAYS JOHNNY CAN'T READ?
Iwas recently enjoying a cup of coffee at a local establishment, when I was approached by young John Finlay. John opined that my columns were somewhat verbose - wordy, even - and he suggested that I alter my style so as to fit more appropriately with his reading tastes. As there is very little I wouldn't do for John, I'm going to indulge him, just this once.

Dear Nantucket Independent Forum:

I never thought anything like this would ever happen to me, but…

And now that I've gotten John's attention, I'll continue. I've noticed recently that the weather outside isn't good for much, and I'm guessing I'm not the only one out there who's noticed the same. Even the ducks at Consue Springs seem less than enthused by the recent meteorological unpleasantness. So I've found myself spending more and more time indoors. In and of itself, spending time inside the house isn't so awful. You have the chance to relax in the comfort of your own home, wear your pajama pants all day, watch TV. In other words, you can spend the day living a couch potato's dream.

PHOTO BY JIL SANDOLE As Andrew will be the first to tell you, a mind is a terrible thing to … wait… are his lips moving?

But then reality tends to set in, which makes things seem not quite so exciting. It's kind of like going on that cross-country road trip that you think is going to be awesome. Just you and the open road, like some kind of modern-day Hunter S. Thompson. Visions of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," though, give way to thoughts of mind-numbing highway driving and truck stop dinners.

Don't get me wrong. That first day or two of sitting around and doing nothing is nice. You get to catch up on your daytime talk shows and ambulancechaser commercials. But after that honeymoon period ends, you're stuck with yourself. And when yours truly gets stuck with himself, things get ugly fast. And when that happens, I retreat to my fall-back position, my old standby that never lets me down. That's right, kids. I open a book.

Speaking of literacy, I did myself a little research on literacy rates nationwide, and, according to a few official-sounding folks, Finland, Georgia, Luxembourg and Norway are in a four-way tie for the top spot, with a 100 percent literacy rate. The goodold US of A is down around twenty-first place, with a not-too-shabby 99 percent literacy rate. Given that 99 out of every 100 of you people out there apparently are able to read this, there's not too much excuse for boredom during these dark and dreary days. Pick up something to read and you just might be surprised how entertained you find yourself.

Case in point, this column is quite the weekly read. Of course, all good things must come to an end, and when you come to the end of this, it's natural to feel a sense of emptiness. Relax, kids. You can always go buy my book, "Veneer," at any local bookstore. And yes, in case you're keeping track at home, that's a shameless plug. I get one a year, that's it, so get over it.

But even that masterpiece of airport trash fiction comes to an end, so you find yourself stuck again, scratching your head, wondering what to do. Well, as is so often the case, Uncle Andrew is here once again to offer a helping hand. Kids, if you find yourself in that post-Veneer funk, chasing your own tail, trying to find some direction to give your life, head back down to the bookstore. Tell them Andrew sent you. And tell them you want a book about fishing.

…as the three of us were lying on the sand in the moonlight, this segue suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Friends and neighbors, I've recently completed Zane Grey's "Tales of Swordfish and Tuna," and even though it was written back in the '50s, this puppy is chock-full of great stories that are truly timeless. And the beauty of the thing is that Grey, despite his reputation as a guy who wrote Westerns - "Riders of the Purple Sage" comes to mind - he wrote plenty of books about fishing, too. So if you decide you like his style, you can read plenty more of his stuff. But if you decide you don't like his style, there are puh-lenty of other authors out there writing about fishing.

It doesn't matter if you're looking for fiction or instructional, high literature or short-attention-span theatre, local bookstores can fill the hours with plenty of fishing stories. And these days, when you're itching to get out on the water but your boat's in drydock while the stripers are in Maryland and the bluefish are in Florida, reading stories about other people's fishing experiences can not only educate, but also inspire.

And while we're on the subject of reading, don't forget about One Book One Island. The program started last year, and is designed to get everyone on Nantucket reading and talking about the same book. This year, the committee chose Ernest Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea." And I'm not one for ruining stories, but suffice it to say that Santiago's little story is a great one, and if it doesn't get you ready to get out on the water, you might want to make sure you've still got a pulse. So get out there, get your copy, read it and get involved.

And Finlay, that means you, too.

Tight lines. I