Technology boom has bred isolation
Core issues remain unchanged, but greater demands challenge ability to cope
BY MARY LANCASTER INDEPENDENT WRITER

First in a Series

It has never been easy to be a teenager. Adolescence is a period when sensitivities and hormones run high. It is a time when youth are trying to find their own individuality while also needing to fit in with their peers. With one foot in childhood and the other in early adulthood, they both want and reject the protective support and influence of their parents.

The teen years can be a time of great confusion, emotional instability, pressure to succeed according to standards set by others, and a point at which experimentation with potentially harmful activities may begin.

It can also be a period when feelings of intense isolation are experienced- not simply the insularity of living on Nantucket, but a sense that no one else could possibly be experiencing the same pain. There is even despair. Suddenly, nothing is simple anymore.

In ongoing consultations with clergy, educators and mental health professionals on what it is like to be a modern day adolescent, several perspectives are emerging. These conversations come at a juncture when the island's adult community desires to examine and comprehend what it should and should not do, and can and cannot do, to keep Nantucket's youth as safe, healthy and happy as the often tumultuous teen years permit.

No one spoken to for this series disputes that strong, dangerous and addictive drugs are easily available to young people today; that the bar on what is considered an adequate education has been raised to the extent that high school graduation is threatened by failure to meet that bar and that the family makeup and its behaviors have changed dramatically. But the Rev. Ted Anderson, who ministered to and counseled families over the many years he led the Unitarian Church, and who teaches occasionally at Nantucket High School, sees things from a broader, historical angle.

Calling teenage angst a big, yet old topic, he said that in his opinion the essence of teen concerns today - home life, friends, romantic interests, work and plans for the future - are the same core issues that have existed for centuries.

Pew Internet & American Life Project. www.pewinternet.org

"People talk about how family life is fractured. It always has been in some way. The legend of the nuclear family was promoted in the 1930s, and that may have been the only time there was one," said Anderson. "We need to focus on what is the same, rather than what's different. Though there seems to be an epidemic of self-destruction, it seems it would involve things that mean the most to people. It may seem frivolous [to be upset over a boyfriend or girlfriend breakup], but it is not frivolous to that child.

"It's the big things that hit them," he continued. "We adults may have a different concept of what the big things are - love, family, home. Has a child experienced humiliation? Have they felt shame? But what do you compare it with? You can't go into a kid's brain. If you only focus on the now you lose the historical perspective necessary to objectively analyze the dynamic of the current culture.

"You have to look at a culture from where it came from, where it is going and where it is. If you take that perspective, you will see that there is a constant in what is important to them at that age."

Rev. Jennifer Brooks, who succeeded Anderson when he retired from the Unitarian Church, agrees that causes of distress have not changed over the decades. To her, connections between people of all ages is vital to human understanding and is lacking in today's world.

"The need for human connection is built into us as human beings. We have to feel loved and lovable," said Brooks. "I think kids need caring communication with adults as well as with peer groups. It is important to feel listened to and cared about. When kids get into their teens, in part they reject their parents as a natural development, so they need to be involved with other caring adults who show respect and love. Our children don't have as many connections and access to as many caring adults as they did historically."

Besides believing that church involvement aids in providing a community of caring that extends to multi-generational activities, Brooks noted that while there are many structured activities for Nantucket youth, such as sports programs, they are not necessarily open to all teens. She sees a need to develop alternatives that are just fun and do not require a level of physical ability.

She further sees that isolation is a problem in today's society, regardless of widespread Internet and cell phone use. This leads to an increased affiliation with peers who are readily accessible but who do not possess the experienced views on issues that adults provide.

"The Internet can be isolating. Technology tends to make kids relate peer to peer and decreases time with adults," she observed.

In Brooks' opinion, it is vital for youth to have opportunities to talk with adults about what matters in their lives without being judged or interrupted, reactions that are not always easy for parents to avoid.

"We adults have to listen. If we don't listen and the only people they talk to is their peer group, what is the quality of advice they get?" she asked. "If we listen to what is meaningful to them we are sending so many messages we don't have to state. By listening we give lots of positive messages and we gain trust. What we have lost is the quality of serendipity in relationships. These interactions have decreased in this generation. It is important for caring adults to be casually available for children and teens. But, I don't know how we can restructure our society."

Nantucket High School Principal George Kelly makes it a point to know his students and make himself as available to them as possible. Though he said he has no definitive answers as to why some youths in recent months seem so distraught, he has plenty of opinions based on his interactions with teens. He knows there is no 'one size fits all' solution to the problems they face.

"I think the biggest thing today is that kids are more isolated than they have been. I think kids had more connections 50 years ago with church, family and friends, and they may have contributed more to the household," said Kelly. "I think it's a more complicated and isolated society [today]. We are more plugged in technologically than intellectually. I think there is less communication going on because there are so many distractions.

"We have more tools of destruction and easy access to them," he continued. "We have learned we can control a lot more over the last 50 years and it really frosts us when we can't control everything. When we find things are out of our control we are less able to cope with that than years ago. We are taught to be successful, but we're going to fail a lot. It's more difficult now because the standards are higher and the demands on us are greater. I don't think the kids know how to cope with failure."

Kelly added that he, too, believes that for all society's scientific, technological and other advances, it has lost its ability to identify where people fit into the changing societal fabric. What has resulted is a profile of false ideals that youth accept but cannot achieve.

"We try to be invincible today. But, the changes are great and I think there is more mental illness and the seriousness of it at younger ages," said Kelly. "I think teenagers are more on 'an island' than they once were when you took care of your brothers and sisters. Neighbors watched out for you and you knew your grandparents, aunts and uncles. This is a period of high anxiety. We need to make time for [the kids] to talk with us when they are ready. We need to understand the meaning in their life at their level. We need to put ourselves in our kids shoes."

As one mother of an island high school student recently said, "They are trying to tell us something.

God willing, we will hear it." I

Teens and Technology: Summary of Findings at a Glance

Close to nine in ten teens are wired.
Teens are technology rich and enveloped by a wired world.
45% of teens have cell phones and 33% are texting.
Email is still a fixture in teens' lives, but IM is preferred.
Teens share more than words over IM.
Half of families with teens have broadband.
Face-to-face time still beats phone and screen time.
Most teens use shared computers at home and growing numbers log on from libraries, school,
and other locations.
The size of the wired teen population surges at the seventh grade mark.
Older girls are power communicators and information seekers.
Source: Lenhart, A. Madden, M., Hitlin, P., Teens and Technology: Youth are Leading the Transition to a Fully Wired and Mobile Nation. Washington, DC: Pew Internet & American Life Project, July 27, 2007.

TEENAGE LIFE ONLINE

The rise of the instant-message generation and the Internet's impact on friendships and family relationships About 17 million youth ages 12 through 17 use the Internet. That represents 73 percent of those in this age bracket. A study by the Pew Internet & American Life Project reveals that teenagers' use of the Internet plays a major role in their relationships with their friends, their families, and their schools. Teens and their parents generally think use of the Internet enhances the social life and academic work of children. However, the Internet has a pivotal role in the lives of American teenagers, and there are aspects of the Internet that cause strain and make children and their parents worry that these technologies are not an unqualified good in teens' lives. Teens are generally intense users of instant messaging technology, and use it and other online spaces and tools to play with and manage their online identities. Parents and their children often do not agree about the place of the Internet in their home. Many parents say they enforce time limits on their children's use of the Internet, but most teens do not say they have limits. At times, the role of the Internet at home generates struggles and arguments between parents and teens. Both generations agree that teens know more than their parents about the Internet. They also agree that there are reasons for concern about the impact of the Internet on all teens. Some 57 percent of parents worry that strangers will contact their children online. These worries are well grounded. Close to 60 percent of teens have received an instant message or an email from a stranger and 50 percent report emailing or instant messaging with someone they have not met before. Despite this, teens themselves are not particularly worried about strangers online. Parents respond to these worries by checking up on their children and sitting down with them on occasion while they are online, and take other precautions to keep them safe online. There is also strong agreement among parents and teens that use of the Internet helps youth at school. In addition to being a key resource for school, material on the Web teaches children in other ways. It helps establish their tastes and fills in their gaps of knowledge on sensitive subjects.