The Lighthouse Keeper
FEARLESS FORESIGHT
BY DANIEL W. DRAKE ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER
By now, everyone has been through the holidays, for better or for worse. Wrapping paper has been cleaned up and resolutions have been made. The slate is being wiped clean and we are starting all over again with a new year - 2008. According to the Chinese lunar calendar, the Year of the Pig is over. The Year of the Rat has just begun. (Actually, the Chinese New Year doesn't begin officially until February 7, but who is counting?)

With all of that in mind, it is appropriate to engage a crystal ball (I rent mine, because there is no sense in having that capital tied up for the other 364 days when it is useless.) to predict what is going to happen on Nantucket in 2008.

In past years, the crystal ball has worked better outside, so I took a short walk on this beautifully clear, brisk morning. A hawk was making lazy circles over towards Long Pond. Hawkeye soon spotted me and flew in, alighting on a nearby branch.

"Nice day," he said. "What are you up to? And what's that funny thing you are holding? Are you trying to set fire to the woods? Be careful."

"Good morning," I replied. "This is the crystal ball that I rent every year to help with my New Year's predictions. We are coming up on the Chinese Year of the Rat. That should appeal to you."

Hawkeye almost glowed. "It sure does. I don't know where they get off with the pigs and the tigers and monkeys. Those critters are useless. Rats are another story all together. They are particularly good…"

"Stop!" I ordered. "Remember, most of our readers will be just coming off their New Year's celebrations. There is no need to cause a relapse. However, if you are inspired, I would love to have you join me in making some predictions for 2008."

"How could I not be inspired?" Hawkeye inquired. "The Year of the Rat, indeed. You go first," he said, "so I can get some idea of just how far out on this limb I should go."

The limb on which he perched emitted a cracking sound.

LK: "I predict that a Democrat will be elected President, maybe Joe Biden"

"Wait a minute," Hawkeye squawked. "What's that have to do with anything. I thought we were only making predictions about Nantucket."

"All right," I sighed "if you want to be provincial. Your turn."

H: "I predict that if the hunter who works the wetlands in front of your house wears his Davy Crockett hat again next hunting season, he's going to have a very ugly bald spot."

LK: "I predict that a wicked nor'easter is going to take all of the town's sand in front of the 'Sconset bluff, so the non-binding ballot question on beach preservation is going to be rendered moot. Unfortunately, a second storm, the following week, will take the houses on the bluff, so the beach preservation project will also be rendered moot.

H: "Is that where the expression 'life's a beach' comes from? I predict that Waste Options will put up a billboard at the landfill celebrating the Year of the Rat. I further predict that the HDC will have a hissy fit, despite the claim that the sign is on townowned land which is specifically grandfathered from the requirement to build anything attractive or historic. I also predict that the HDC will lose interest when they get a report that someone is putting up a Buddha statue in the side yard of a wedding factory in Tom Nevers. They will counter the freedom of religion argument with a statement that the statue's big belly is out of scale and it has white eyebrows."

LK: "I predict that the selectmen will vote unanimously to order separators to put between their chairs so they don't have to look at each other."

H: "I predict that field mice will claim discrimination since they don't have a year."

LK: "I predict that town administration will announce plans to continue the use of the temporary public meeting facility at 2 Fairgrounds Road for 30 years to punish the public for thinking that holding a public hearing really means anyone wants to hear from the public. The announcement will also state that any sort of user-friendly audio system for the facility, as well as the provision of somewhat comfortable chairs, is outside the scope of the government's responsibility, but donors will be solicited. When questioned about motives, the town's new PR person will respond 'The life of a citizen is a beach.'"

H: "Hmmm. Your next grandchild will be able to lay claim to being born in the Year of the Rat. I predict it will be a boy … or maybe a girl.

LK: "You are being uncharacteristically wishy-washy. I predict that the Planning Board, by a 4-1 vote, will approve a plan to connect the Dreamland with the bus depot and the parking garage with a paved pedestrian tunnel, to '…clear crosswalks and provide relief from walking on cobblestones.' The dissenter, the newest member, will say he cannot approve the plan unless the tunnel is 25 feet wide to allow for emergency vehicles and is paved with cobblestones."

Hawkeye was silent for a bit, then finally, said "You know, you are being some crusty."

"I suppose," I replied. "It must be this crystal ball. It has no dazzle, even in the sun. Remind me to save my money next year."

"I have one more prediction," Hawkeye said. "I predict that you won't have trouble finding things to write about in 2008." He flew off just as the limb gave way.

"I am afraid you are right," I called after him. "Happy New Year!"

"Happy Year of the Rat," he called back,

just as he began his descent. I

The "Lighthouse Keeper" reflects the views of the author and does not necessarily represent the editorial position of The Nantucket Independent. Please send any ideas or comments to drake@nantucketindependent. com.