YACK on: Happy Returns
Grant Sanders
It's the day after Christmas and all around the island, people are cleaning up from the aftermath of gift giving and receiving. They are carting huge clear plastic bags of wrinkled wrapping to the trash bin. They are attempting to flatten untold cardboard cartons. They are waiting for those stray last-minute gifts that FedEx Ground, for some inexplicable reason, could not transport from Connecticut to Nantucket in five days time. They are eyeing that last slice of pie and the cookies that Santa could not manage to eat before heading up the chimney and onto the house next door.

But most of all, they are eyeing their pile of gifts and calculating what they can get if they exchange some of the unwanted, but well meaning, gifts they received.

Dreamland Foundation Director and selectman, Patty Roggeveen, who received movie passes for an off island cinema, will be trading them in for a monogrammed hard hat to help her with both the renovations of the Dreamland Theatre and the process of seeking donations for the new Dreamland Foundation.

Planning Board member Nat Lowell will exchange the cashmere mittens he received from a family who was grateful for him showing up at their house at 3 a.m. to replace a faulty igniter and get the heat back on. Instead, he plans to use the proceeds to purchase a used flak jacket to wear while posting on YACKon.com.

Andrew Vorce is trading in a season pass on the NRTA for commuter book on JetBlue so he can attend more hastily planned meetings in New York.

Selectman Brian Chadwick, whose Yankee thrift ruins deep, will be exchanging one long skinny tie for three bow ties.

Mike Burns will be exchanging a three-volume set of the history of Nantucket for several pads of graph paper which he plans to use to eventually straighten all of the streets on Nantucket.

Selectman Chair Whitey Willauer is exchanging an organization software package for 12 reams of multi colored paper slips that fit into the pockets of his massive leather folio organizer. Because if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Barbara White, former interim principal for the middle school, is exchanging the multitude of scented candles, whale-shaped wine openers, place mats, tote bags and trivets she has received from an untold number of parents of Cyrus Peirce School students for some light weight luggage, because she is outta here, man.

Curtis Barnes received something from the NP&EDC which he plans to not open and re-gift to Libby Gibson next year.

Stephen Karp exchanged a filet knife for cash that he can invest in another seaside town.

Selectman Michael Kopko will be exchanging a pair of nice, soft kid gloves he received from some anonymous well wishers for a pair of extra large boots with which he will continue to kick people in the behind in a quest to improve town government.

Town council Paul DeRensis received the book, In Praise of Slowness by Carl Honore, which he plans to exchange for an espresso machine, if he can get to the bookstore in time.

Bob Matthews, developer of the Point Breeze is exchanging a pair of socks he received for a bilge pump that he can use on his to-be-constructed underground parking garage off of Easton Street in one of the most waterlogged and flood-prone spots on the island.

Former Executive director of Sustainable Nantucket Christine Silverstein received the popular board game, Trouble, which she will be promptly exchanging for a really soft down pillow and a good book.

Steamship board for governors chairman,

Flint Ranney received 12 dozen substandard, day-old bagels which he will be giving to the food service people on the Eagle to resell. Just like last year.

Allen Reinhard is exchanging a rake designed for evening out dirt roads for a used radial tire with which he plans to build a swing in order to practice the art of exercising one's swing vote properly.

The Sconset Beach Preservation Fund board all received plastic, brightly colored, sand pails and shovels which they plan to exchange for a 300-foot floating dredge anchored off of Sankaty. They will make up the difference in cost with taxdeductible donations from wealth summer residents. At least during the first year.

And I will be keeping all of my gifts. For I couldn't be happier with all that I have received this year.

YACK On. I

Grant Sanders is the host of YACK, the Nantucket Online community at yackon. com and he is glad Santa brought him an iPhone this year. His views are his own and do not reflect the editorial stance of The Nantucket Independent. Or his wife.