YACK on: The Plunge
Grant Sanders
The Cold Turkey plunge is coming up tomorrow and while I understand the basic idea behind it, it's really not something in which I am willing to participate.

First and foremost, I really do not like being cold. Call me a wimp. I like to be warm. The feeling of icy cold water surrounding me is almost too unbearable to think on, let alone actually experience.

Second, while I often do exhibit behavior that might lead the casual observer to believe that I am, for lack of a better word, insane, this is actually not the case. In fact, my sanity is so strong that even the very rational concept of raising money for a good cause like the Atheneum is overcome by an avalanche of

highly valid and well calculated reasons to keep my clothes on and stay warm and dry.

Third, and perhaps the best reason for me to not participate is that the entire island will be eating a huge feast shortly after the Plunge and the sight of me bounding into the water in nothing but a bathing suit is enough to cause everyone on the island to lose their appetite. And we don't want that, now do we? I probably could make more money for the Atheneum by extorting money from friends and family (and the local restaurants) by threatening to take my clothing off unless I reach a certain donation level.

"Fork over a couple hundred or this fleece pullover comes off, baby…"

I wish there were other ways that we could pledge to raise money for the Weezie Library without getting seminaked and freezing cold. I mean, why does the experience have to be so gosh darn unpleasant? How about a pumpkin pie eating contest? I would be happy to eat pies for a good cause, plus it is a Thanksgiving Day themed idea. How about I juggle giant smoked turkey legs for charity? The longer I can keep the turkey legs in the air, the more money I will make for the library. How about a wrestling match between the people in my family that want the melted marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes and the ones that don't? That usually happens at my house anyway. The donors can put money down on their favorite wrestler, and the Atheneum collects the purse. Anything but jumping into the harbor!

Now, I do not write these things to be disparaging about the event. It's a wonderful thing and the Weazie Library at the Atheneum is a great cause. I wholeheartedly support those brave and lovely souls who are willing to embrace the icy depths for the Atheneum (as long as they don't include me).

One such person is very close to my heart. My daughter Madi. She is one of those wonderful kinds of people who is an ideal Cold Turkey Plunge participant, for two reasons. First, she has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and is often working for the benefit of others. She has grown her hair several times and cut it for Locks of Love, the organization which makes wigs for children who have lost their hair due to chemo or radiation therapy. She collects money for UNICEF at Halloween. She volunteers often. She writes poetry about making the world a better place. And she loves the Weezie Library. If you stacked all of the books that she has read from the library, I dare say they would be as tall as the building itself. Madi was the youngest plunger to participate when the Plunge began six years ago, and she's done it every year since. The second reason my daughter is a model plunger is that she feels no cold. Or, I should say, she feels it, but it really does not bother her. My son, Owen, who has also been an avid plunger, is the same way. Must be the Norwegian genes. I don't know.

For the last couple of Plunges, I have had trouble coordinating the event with my early morning feast-prep routine. I'm the cook in the house and while I do invite helpers to peel potatoes or slice carrots, the lion's share of the cooking is done by me alone. And sometimes the concept of "getting the bird into the oven" interferes with jumping in the car to watch a few hundred well meaning maniacs freeze in the harbor. But this year I will try to plan more carefully so that I can take in the whole event despite the fact that I will be cooking two turkeys - one cider brined and one on the grill, beer can style. I have a huge white board in my kitchen and will create a massive chart to ensure that not only will every one of the 12 dishes I plan to prepare hit the table promptly at 1:30, but that I will also have enough time in between to be at Children's Beach well before Plunge time at 10 am.

After all, wimps like me make excellent towel

holders. I

Grant Sanders is the host of YACK the Nantucket Online Community at www.yackon.com and he believes that his Norwegian cold-thwarting genes must have skipped a generation. His views are his own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial stance of The Nantucket Independent.