|
THE LOSS OF A PET
More times than I would like during these past few weeks, I have found myself sobbing along with a customer as they recount the devastating loss of their special pet.
First, there was the bear of a guy who warned me that he might not be able to tell me the story of his little dog's last days without breaking down. Sure enough, before he was through, we were both reaching for the Kleenex as tears flowed down our cheeks. Losing his dog was the most difficult life experience he had ever been through and he said, "During my grieving, I was just waiting for someone to say to me, 'But it was just a dog,' so I would have had an excuse to smack them. Fortunately, no one ever did."
Then a customer I hadn't seen in a while came into the shop to get several new puppy items. She said she hadn't been able to bring herself to come in because her dog had been killed and she just couldn't deal with her loss. We cried and hugged and cried some more as she told me what happened and how difficult it was for her to move on. Finally though, she had decided to get a new puppy, same breed, and she was now looking forward to its arrival. "I know it won't be the same," she admitted, "But I just couldn't stand not having a dog in the house anymore."
Just a few days ago, I received a call from another customer I haven't seen for a long time. She was absolutely devastated about agreeing to euthanize her pet the night before. She said, "It has just hit me this morning, what happened last night. I had no choice. They had her on the table, and had to revive her once, so how could I put her through more? Today, I just don't know how I can go on without her."
Grieving for a pet can be more traumatic than grieving for a human loved one. Many of us have a relationship with our pets that is unequivocal; our love for each other is unconditional. For many, our pet relationships can encompass several years of shared life experience. So, we are losing not only the object of our unguarded mutual affection, we are also losing a connection to our past.
When a member of our human family dies, the support network of those who care and understand gathers around to help us cope. Expressions of sympathy flow; we get cards, floral bouquets, food, physical companionship and even monetary donations. A funeral or memorial service brings people together to provide a common sharing and sense of closure. When a pet dies, most of these events do not occur and we are left to sort out our feelings on our own.
We know that grieving is a complex and highly individual process. There are several identified stages of grief but the length of each stage and their sequence can vary with each person. Denial is usually the first stage. When we hear bad news we think we heard wrong, or think it's not that bad, to insulate ourselves from the emotional turmoil ahead. Then we bargain in hopes of a changed outcome. Anger, which often follows denial, can be directed at others or inwardly as a form of guilt.
Sadness and sorrow is the stage we most commonly identify as grief, where we actively mourn, often finding it difficult to eat, sleep, concentrate or be around others. This is the time, though, when seeking out people who understand can help the healing process begin. If you don't know someone to talk to, there are pet hotlines that provide counseling and understanding. The American Veterinary Medical Association website, www.avma.org, lists several. If you prefer to read, there are some excellent books dealing with the loss of a pet that might be of help.
The final grieving state is resolution, where we come to grips with the fact that our wonderful pet is gone, and where we can start to focus on the memories of happier times.
Expressing our grief accelerates the healing process. In addition to talking to others who understand, taking a positive action is a way to help us cope and to celebrate the life of our pet. Some suggestions include planting a perennial flower or tree in memory of the pet, making a charitable donation in the pet's name, or having a funeral or memorial service. Write a poem or story, create a memorial album, frame a special picture, have a unique item of jewelry made or commission a painting. A variety of memorials are available commercially, from tasteful glass orbs that incorporate your pet's ashes, to personalized stepping stones for your garden.
Whatever your course of action, know that you are not alone with your grief. There will be many times when you experience deep sadness, anger or guilt at your loss, but with time your recoveries will be quicker and you can begin to look forward
instead of backward. I
Jan Jaeger is owner of Geronimo's, Ltd., Nantucket's pet supply and gift shop, and is a member of DWAA and CWA (Dog and Cat Writer's Associations of America). Her pets at home are Junior, a Chesapeake Bay Retriever, and three cats. At the shop are cats Messrs. Fish and Chips, Flower bunny, Millie guinea pig and two budgies. Send email to jan@geronimos.com.
|
|
