TIGHT LINES
with Andrew Spencer

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE A BARGAIN?

Police in Pittsburgh, Penn., were recently called to a Giant Eagle grocery store. It seems that a patron of the store was becoming somewhat irate, and all the staff's attempts at assuaging his anger had failed, so they were forced to resort to drastic measures and called the cops. In the guy's defense, he'd just literally gotten a million bucks swiped from him by the store manager, so perhaps his anger was a little justified. But, as is so often the case, there was a catch to this one.

It seems the guy was actually trying to purchase his groceries with a million-dollar bill.

Seriously. The guy handed the clerk, with what I suppose was a straight face, a one-million-dollar bill, and expected change. When the clerk refused, the guy got a little upset. When the manager came over and confiscated the bill, the guy went a wee-bit ballistic. Apparently the bill originated in, of all places, my hometown of Dallas, Texas, where it was handed out by a church there as a way of attracting new parishioners.

Some days the jokes write themselves, people.

PHOTO COURTESY OF CHAD WHITLOCK Bargains abound on Nantucket. Just ask Andrew.

In all seriousness - not that I wasn't being serious to this point - the largest bill in circulation since 1969 has been the C-note, or what you might call a hundreddollar bill. It's what we newspaper columnists refer to as an "annual salary," but I digress.

This whole fiasco got me to thinking - always a dangerous prospect - about life here on Nantucket. There's a joke, although you might more accurately refer to it as a factual observation, that a hundred dollar bill is the "Nantucket Twenty." Long story short, kids, that hun-sky doesn't go quite so far here on the Faraway Isle as it might someplace else, like, oh, I don't, know ... anywhere in the galaxy?

So that million-dollar bill might not be such a bad thing out here on the Rock, where you could probably find a couple of people who could break it for you on the street. But let's get down to the nitty-gritty of what that million is going to buy you, then we'll talk about whether or not it's a good idea. I had dinner at the Brotherhood the other night. Two people for dinner, and our tab went something like sixty bucks. Groceries at the Stop-n-Shop topped out at just over a hundred dollars a few days back. So we're up to one-sixty. Fill up the car, and we're talking thirty bucks (thank GOD for Volkswagens). Let me do some quick math and, lo and behold, I'm pushing two-hundred dollars to this point; that million dollar bill is looking pretty sufficient right about now.

But wait just a minute here. I'm forgetting one little item that's kind of quasiimportant, namely that pesky little housing issue. Gotta have a place to live, after all. Consider the following tidbit of real estaterelated news: the median sales price for Nantucket homes from July to September of 2007 was a million-six and change.

Ouch. Um ... you take a check? Actually, you know what? Wait right here. I think I've got a billion-dollar bill in my other pants.

Nope, sadly, a million won't buy you a whole bunch of real estate out here, but not to worry. Uncle Andrew is here to show you the light. There's plenty of other good stuff to be had for under a million in this little corner of the world. Especially because it's that time of year again, folks. Yep. It's sale season. And you know what that means? Fishing tackle, baby. Lots and lots of fishing tackle.

A free newspaper and a segue to boot? And you people all say that there aren't any bargains left on Nantucket!

Friends and neighbors, as the season winds down here, the sale signs go up in the windows, and local tackle shops are following the crowds. There are some great deals to be had out there. And it's not just the stuff that you don't need, which more often than not seems to be my experience with sale items. Nope, no "slightly irregular" labels on any of this merchandise, and none of that "last year's model" nonsense. The nice thing about fishing tackle is that it's kind of like T-shirts. You can only do so much to change the stuff, kids.

Now is the perfect time to replace that rod you broke last August, or to get a new reel since you left that old one on the beach overnight. I've seen a few of the deals out there and, without naming names, I can vouch for the fact that there are some whoppers in the good deal arena. And there are some deals on tackle, too, so you can restock your tackle box without raiding the kids' college funds. It's not like the stripers are suddenly going to stop liking Black Bombers or that graphite rods are suddenly going to stop casting well. This is standard stuff that every angler needs to have. And if you can get it for less than you'll have to pay in the spring, what's the point in waiting?

And just as an added incentive, there are still fish around - stripers are being caught both inside the harbor and out, and false albacore are still schooling around Great Point. And if you really need any further motivation, Christmas is coming, as is my birthday, so start your shopping now.

What it all comes down to is that now is the time to buy the stuff you'll be wishing you had next spring if not before, so get out there and buy it now. Just don't try to use a million-dollar bill. With prices this low, you're better off saving that to have your old house painted. A million may be enough to cover that. Just maybe.

Tight lines. I