YACK on: Dreamland
Grant Sanders
I'm glad this whole Dreamland thing is coming to a vote so we can move forward and save this historic theater. I happen to know a thing or two about running a movie theater as I worked for three years under the tutelage of Sumner Redstone in one of the largest movie chains in the country.

Okay, not exactly right under Sumner's tutelage. I was a little further down the food chain than that.

Okay, I was a janitor, when I was in high school. And I cleaned the lobby and theaters at White City Cinemas in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts for three summers. But I learned a lot about running a movie theater.

The first thing I learned was that you pop all of the popcorn for the month on one day and put all of the corn in huge plastic bags and keep the bags where the mice can't get to it. Which, unfortunately for this particular theater, was nowhere. (White City Cinema had hypertensive mice from all of the salty popcorn they consumed. If you saw one and startled it, they would burst before your eyes. Good fun.)

Another thing I learned: Never bend over when cleaning a dark theater to pick up a dime. Why? Because the dime you reach for is either A) stuck to the floor by two weeks' worth of Coca-Cola spills. In which case, you really don't want that dime in your pocket. Or that dime is B) A yellow Jujyfruit.

It took me a whole summer of stooping to learn that lesson. Never pick up a dime in a dark movie theater. To this day, when I go to the movies, and I see a dime - or what I think is a dime - on the floor, I pass it by and laugh heartily to myself, which sometimes worries and disturbs the parents of small children.

But that, as they say, is beside the point. We need to save this theater on Thursday, so please, if you are likely to vote yes, gather all of your faithful friends together, and promise them a cherry pie for their yes vote. Or a beer. Or a dollar. Or a handful of yellow Jujyfruits. We need to secure this theater from offisland developers.

Why? Because the downtown of this island is quickly becoming less and less family-friendly. The only thing for kids to do right now is hang out at the strip and harass the summer specials. They need this theater. I have pre-teens. This is a must-do as far as I'm concerned.

I know what many of you are thinking. Or whining. "We can't afford it."

To that I say, oh, poo. Of course we can. This is an island where millions of dollars change hands every day before breakfast. All we need to do is form a nonprofit called the "Save the Dreamland Foundation" and people will beat a path to our door looking for a place to shelter their millions. In return, we show their name on the screen before Die Hard Or Live Soft or Harry Potter and the Painful Band-aid Removal and we are home free. Here's how I would do it, if I were involved. And it does not have to cost the town a lot of money. Or any. 1. We vote to secure the Dreamland so it's ours.

2. We form a 501 c (3) non-profit corporation to gather donations for this project. There are homes on the market right now that are the same price as buying and building the Dreamland. If people here can afford that, they can afford to shelter a fraction of their money in a nonprofit to save a historic theater. I have heard of two groups that are ready to donate millions upon millions each to this cause if it goes forward. Almost the full purchase price.

3. We get one donor to fund the 501 c (3) and hire a director of the Dreamland Foundation. (I'll be applying for this job, so no one else, apply, please.)

4. We vote at the ballot box 90 days after town meeting to go through with the purchase. By then my plan and its utter brilliance will be known by all. And everyone will be behind me.

5. We acquire the Dreamland. By this time, the 501 c (3) should have enough to start paying back the town and building out.

6. The Land Bank, which has already voted to do so, pays the town $3 million for the back lot.

7. We undertake a phased development plan. By my estimation, it will cost somewhere between 5 and 6 million just to do the structural work and renovate only the theater, leaving the second and third floor rough, but structurally sound.

8. Then the 501 c (3) puts out an RFP to an arts organization to use the second floor and one to a commercial concern to run the third floor.

9. The 501 c (3) launches a capital plan to raise the rest of the money to purchase and build the theater. The town gives the non-profit a no-interest or low-interest note to do so.

10. We depend upon the kindness and generosity of our summer visitors and the hard work of our year-rounders. In 15 years or less the capital campaign is complete, we have a big party, and everyone is happy and the town gets its money back.

This can work, folks. We have hundreds of people in the community ready to mobilize. 350 of them already signed a petition to save the theater.

Will it be easy? No. But nothing worth doing ever is. Sure there will be pitfalls and sticking points. And coke-encrusted Jujyfruits. But we have to give it a try.

YACK on. I

Grant Sanders is the host of YACK, The Nantucket Online Community at yackon.com and he also knows the secret to cleaning up popcorn spills is to use a snow shovel. His views are his own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial stance of The Nantucket Independent. Or his wife.