TIGHT LINES
MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE
with Andrew Spencer
Once upon a time in Dallas, my father took one of those community school courses. This one was specifically geared towards middle-aged guys who wanted to learn the finer points of woodworking. Dad fit the bill, so he signed up. His goal was to make a rocking chair - Dad's got a thing for rocking chairs - but he was told that a rocking chair was a project geared more to those with an "advanced" level of skill. Dad's skills were more at the "nonexistent" level, so the rocking chair was out. He settled for making a computer table. The irony of the whole experience hit him square in the face when his table was kind of rickety on uneven legs. In other words, the table rocked. Kind of like a rocking chair.

The thing is, it's not entirely Dad's fault. You see, with four sons, Dad was often the victim of offspring theft, and not in any kind of way that resulted in fewer kids for him to deal with. It was more the kind of theft where one of my brothers was usually responsible for taking Dad's stuff - neckties, pliers and, more often than not, tape measures. Mind you, it was always my siblings that took his stuff, never yours truly, but none of them confessed to taking the tape measure. Regardless of who was to blame for the uneven legs, Dad got a good chuckle out of the deal and everyone else had a good laugh at his expense. But there's a lesson to be learned here, and all the carpenters out there know what I'm talking about. The moral of the story is found in that triedand true saying that anybody who has ever cut a piece of wood has no doubt heard at some time in their lives: "Measure twice, cut once."

PHOTO BY BILL TOELSTEDT The way Zach Demuth fishes is no fluke. Well, perhaps it is.

The message here is that you take your time when you're doing this kind of thing so that you don't make the mistakes that lead to wobbly table legs and that sort of thing. I tried my very best to find out who it was that first said it, but, alas, the phrase doesn't have a Wikipedia entry online, and at my advanced age, Wikipedia is about as in-depth as my research techniques get. But I digress.

So I couldn't find out the original source of this pearl of wisdom, which is, in the end, not that important, unless you're either a) the person who did, in fact, originally coin the phrase; or b) that person's mother. Given that I'm not that person nor am I his mother, I'm not losing any sleep over my failure to discover her identity. And yes, I'm pretty sure it was a woman. Let's just say that if you listen closely, you can hear my mother saying, "I told you so" right after you fail to heed her advice about measuring and cutting.

Anyway, there's another example of this whole measuring thing that came up recently. The other day, a young man by the name of Zach Demuth was pretty sure about a specific length. "Fifteen-and-ahalf inches," he told me. When I asked if he was sure, he just gave me one of those looks that says, "Are you still here?" Again, there was a spooky resemblance to my mother and the way she looks when you question anything she says. Zach was passing off information with the same air of authority, which made it that more believable. Now, as I've told you people countless times before, my mother is always right. Zach, however, was dead wrong on this one. And what, you might ask, was this length that Zach was so wrong about?

The minimum-length regulation on fluke in Massachusetts.

Son, that's the shortest segue I've ever seen. You sure it's big enough to keep?

Friends and neighbors, we're all pretty much aware of the fact that striped bass have to be twentyeight inches in length. At least, most of us are. I've heard of at least one of you out there who got a little confused on the difference between twenty-eight and eighteen. The law is twenty-eight inches. But are we all aware that fluke, one of the most widelytargeted summer species, also has a minimum length requirement? The short answer is yes, there is a minimum length regulation, and contrary to what Zach might tell you, that minimum length is seventeenand a-half inches.

Now we get down to the nitty and the gritty on this thing. There's an old saying in Texas that says, "If you're going to take the measure of a man, make sure you take the whole measure." Same deal with the fish. The legal method for measuring is as follows: "Minimum legal length in inches means the greatest length in inches measured from the anterior extremity of the snout with the mouth closed to the posterior extremity of the tail with the lobes compressed when the fish is flat and fully extended." In other words, don't have a friend grab the head and stretch the fish out like it's a rubber band. Just take the true measure of the fish. If it's too small, throw it back. There's plenty more out there to be caught. And if you've got any questions about any other fish, you can find out all of the requisite information at the Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries webpage at http://www.mass.gov/dfwele/dmf/recreationalfishing/ recindex.htm.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to run. Dad's making noises about another woodworking project, and I think I've got his tape measure stashed somewhere in my tackle box. It's probably right next to his pliers and wrapped up in one of his neckties.

Tight lines. I