TIGHT LINES
OPEN WIDE
with Andrew Spencer
As a teenager, like many teenagers before me, I had to have braces. Big, ugly silver things cemented to my teeth for three years, followed by years of wearing a retainer. The orthodontist called it a "rite of passage." I called it something not fit for a family publication. I hated braces. They looked hideous and they hurt like nothing else. But they were deemed necessary, so I endured them. Then came that glorious day when they took my braces off, and I felt like I'd been freed from prison.

It could be worse, Andrew - your teeth could decide to walk out on you.

Fast-forward twenty years. Long gone are the rubber bands and retainers. But the legacy of my braces from way-back-when still lives on. I'm not entirely sure about what kind of glue they used to keep those little brackets on my teeth, but whatever it was, my teeth didn't like it. So today, I've got horrible teeth. Straight, but horrible nevertheless. Case in point, I've got a top tooth in the front that's more fake than it is real and, in what can only be called one of the cruelest of all ironic jokes Mother Nature has chosen to play, I've got an extra tooth - literally a tooth that sits there right behind my row of teeth - on the bottom. It's kind of like a spare tire for the dental world, except it's like one of those donut tires instead of a full-size spare.

Anyway, to sum it all up here for you, I've got really bad teeth. And that condition - for which, I place all blame squarely on the shoulders of my orthodontist - is why, whenever I walk into Dr. Schmidt's office, I swear I hear someone in a back room going, "Cha-ching! cha-ching!"

Dr. Schmidt is, by all accounts, a pretty good dentist. And I'm not one who likes the dentist. I actually loathe the prospect of a twice-yearly cleaning. But Dr. Schmidt and his staff are very nice to me, and they make the process as painless as possible. So, it was without too much trepidation that I recently made my spring pilgrimage to his office to have my teeth cleaned. There I was, lying back and trying to think about my happy place while they poked and polished and did whatever else they do when they're cleaning your teeth. And then suddenly, in the midst of scraping with that metal toothpick looking affair, the hygienist stopped and did something I'd never seen before.

She literally took out a sharpening stone and sharpened the thing.

I told you people I had bad teeth, but seriously. I mean, this was embarrassing for even yours truly. This was a first for me, so if this is something you've experienced before, forgive me. All of you people who weren't impressed by the scaffolding thing might want to learn that lesson, too, but I digress. So there I was, watching from a horizontal position while this woman sharpened the pick that my own teeth had caused to become dull. I was absolutely mortified by the fact that my teeth had worn down the cleaning utensil to the point that it needed sharpening. And rather than compound my embarrassment by asking for an explanation, I just let it go and heaped further blame on my orthodontist. But then it dawned on me:

It's fish hook sharpening time again.

We've got a little decay here in this molar and I think that incisor might be showing some signs of wear. But this segue looks like it's in perfect shape.

Friends and neighbors, the schoolies have finally showed up along our shores, so it's time to get

out there and start catching some fish. I'm sure many of you are making your annual first trip to the tackle shop to stock up on new tackle, and that's all well and good. Just remember that every time you catch a fish, the hooks on those plugs get a little bit duller, kind of like that dental instrument. You might not notice it the first few fish, but after you catch a few, I assure you that you'll get the point (Cue the rim shot!) Enter, stage left, the solution to this recurring problem. Hook sharpeners are an inexpensive way to prolong the life and effectiveness of your hooks, so go ahead and spend

the extra couple of bucks to have one in your tackle

box when you're at the store gearing up. You'll be thanking me when the big ones show up and you're the only one whose hooks are sharp enough to set that Slug-Go and catch the keepers.

And speaking of the dentist, Sesachacha Pond was recently opened to the sea (can I get some props on the open wide thing here?). This is, like getting braces, an annual rite of passage that helps to flush out the pond. What that means for the fishing-inclined among us is that the little creatures living in the pond were suddenly opened up to a brave new world with striped bass in it, and the latter were more than happy to make the acquaintance of the former. And what that all means is that there's schoolies-a-plenty out there by Sankaty. So sharpen your hooks and head on out. Just remember it's catch-and-release season, kids, so go gentle.

Tight lines. I