KIDS AND PETS

I shouldn't speak ill of my customers, but just this once, I will. Every now and again, we get a family from hell in the shop. The other day, Mom brought in three wildly-behaving and out-of-control kids, along with their very rambunctious young Labrador Retriever, who, surprise, surprise, is jumping on the children and otherwise exhibiting unruly behavior. Mom wants to protect her children; she wants to stop this. She who cannot control her children, who cannot understand or control the dog, wants a quick fix. I feel really sorry for the dog.

The effect of a pet in a child's life can be magical and leave a life-long impression. Animals provide comfort, companionship, opportunities for responsibility and nurturing. They teach discipline, patience, kindness, empathy and attentiveness. They teach life lessons about medical care, illness and even dealing with death. Pets can be substitute siblings. And children often turn to their pets for emotional support.

Kids and pets can be like ice cream and cookies. Or life can be a nightmare if parents don't understand the importance of picking the right pet in the first place and then teaching their children and their pets the proper behaviors for interacting. Unfortunately, shelters and humane organizations are full of animals who fail the kid test. Bad behavior is typically not the pets' fault, but many must pay with their lives for doing what comes naturally when provoked or untrained.

If breed popularity is the criteria for selection, the Labrador Retriever is far and away the number one dog in America, according to the registrations at the American Kennel Club. In a distant second place is the Golden Retriever, and both breeds have the reputation for being excellent and tolerant family dogs. But this doesn't automatically mean that every single dog in either of these breeds will be a good family match.

Far more important than the breed of the dog is the nature of the individual dog. For families with small children, it is much better to choose a dog that adores children, not just tolerates them, but worships them to the point that the inevitable kid mistakes will be forgiven.

Toy breeds are becoming increasingly popular, but because of their size and delicate constitutions, they may be too fragile for a rowdy family and, because of their small stature, they can become defensive and nippy when threatened. Very large breeds and those breeds that tend to be "difficult" or aggressive should also be avoided. An older dog will be more sturdy, stable and unflappable than a puppy, as cute as they may be.

Some childish behaviors create problems because the dog interprets the actions according to his doggie perceptions or responds intuitively, resulting in bites, nips or other physical manifestations of displeasure. Until your child is 7 or 8, experts recommend never leaving them unsupervised with the dog.

Train your children to avoid certain provocative behaviors. Hugging and kissing is how we show affection to those we love. A dog, however, can react aggressively when its space so intimately invaded, and a child is vulnerable because its face is too close to the dog's mouth. Teach your child to kiss its hand, and then pet the dog with that hand. Avoid doggie hugs and kisses in front of your child so they don't mimic your actions.

Direct eye contact is threatening to a dog. Instead of deep eye gazes, teach your child to look up over or at the top of the dogs head.

Running and screaming is a typical part of kids play, but it can trigger a prey response in a dog to give chase and bite. Separate the children and the dog if the play escalates into shrieking and racing around.

Being physical with the dog is a natural tendency for children. Teasing, wrestling, riding, pinching, poking or lying on the dog should be forbidden. There can be a fine line between what the dog will tolerate and what will result in a snap or bite. Teach your children to be sensitive to the dog's body language. Ears back, curling lips or low growls are definite warning signals that he has had enough and they need to back off.

Children also find it hard to resist chasing an animal. When a dog walks away from a child, he wants to be left alone. Provide a safe place or escape routes for your dog and teach your child to leave him alone when he turns away or when he is in his safe place.

Now that you've taught the children, teaching your dog to respond reliably to the basic commands of "Sit," "Stay," and "Come" will go a long way to reinforcing their proper behavior in sticky situations. Get a book, go to a training class or consult a private trainer and then practice, practice, practice these disciplines with the entire family.

Finally, parents need to be good role models for caring and responsibility. They need to make it clear that their pet's care cannot be compromised. No threats of "getting rid of Daisy" should ever be issued if the pet misbehaves or if the child neglects any duties. Taking on a pet is taking on a commitment to proper and loving care for the entire family

for the life of that pet. I

Jan Jaeger is owner of Geronimo's, Ltd., Nantucket's pet supply and gift shop, and is a member of DWAA and CWA (Dog and Cat Writer's Associations of America). Her pets at home are Junior, a Chesapeake Bay Retriever, and three cats. At the shop are cats Messrs. Fish and Chips, Flower bunny, Millie guinea pig and two budgies. Send email to jan@geronimos.com.