YACK on: Leaders
Grant Sanders
It has come to my attention that Nantucket is in desperate need of new blood with regard to its leadership. We talk about it all the time on YACKon.com. What kind of person would make a good, say, selectman, for example? What are the qualities that such a person needs to govern?

I'm looking into my crystal ball at the very near future and it appears to me that unless someone new steps up to the plate, we will see many of the same names on the ballot. David Gray. Patty Roggeveen. Linda Williams. Catherine Stover. Even Mike Glowacki, it has been rumored, is eyeing an opportunity to get to the front table again thanks to an improvement in his health.

These people are, for the most part, able citizens. Some of them are more attractive, as public servants than others. (And frankly, a couple of them scare the bejeebies out of me.) So I ask, isn't it time for some new people to step forward and serve? I think so.

Consider this a call to arms. A request for all able bodied citizens to look within themselves and ask if now is the time for them to serve. What kind of people are needed? Here's a little checklist of the qualities that, in my opinion, every Selectman should have.

First, Selectmen should not be town employees or former town employees on a pension. Like former selectman, Finn Murphy. People rankle at this notion, but it just makes common sense. Town employees already have a seat at the table in the form of their union negotiators. If we give them a second (or in some cases, third) seat, is that fair? Also, if we taxpayers are paying someone to work a 35-40 hour week, is it really right for them to attend morning workshops and other BOS events during the work day? We would not be getting our money's worth, now would we? Ideally, a selectman would be a consultant or some other self-employed person who charges $1,200 an hour and therefore only has to work seven or eight hours a month to pay a mortgage on this island. Or have a very hard-working spouse. Then he or she can devote the rest of the time to town business - in some cases 20 hours or more per week.

Second, a Selectman should be in excellent health. Like Doug Bennett. Nothing takes a lot out of you like the stress of a job where everyone watches your every move and the fate of the island hangs in the balance each time to make a decision. That's real stress, folks. Has anyone noticed the extra grey hairs Michael Kopko is sporting? Mike Glowacki could only serve two of his three years before the stress got to him. And the job has beaten up several former selectmen and women as well. I actually think that, in addition to a "Meet the Candidate's Night." we should also have some kind of Iron Man triathlon competition among Selectman candidates to see who is fit enough to serve. There could be a long distance run. Caber throwing. And a tractor pull. (The latter event may indicate who has the endurance and strength to drag a home rule petition through Beacon Hill.)

Third, a selectman needs to be really, really smart. Like, scary smart. Like Rainman smart. Like former selectman Matt Fee. Case in point: The sewer issue. An entire team of community braniacs have spent months on the sewers and we still have not completely vetted the numbers and figured out exactly how to pay for it all. This is complex stuff. Also look at the whole situation at the dump. The selectmen are talking about using new technologies to turn trash into energy out there like gasification. And wind power. And nuclear fission. Do you think a selectman of average intelligence can make thoughtful decisions on this stuff? No way. We need some kind of mutant-brainequipped selectman to help us all understand it.

Fourth, a selectman should be an excellent communicator and speaker. Like Michael Kopko. Following the will of the people is one thing. Communicating a problem and a solution to the people so that we can gain consensus is another. That's how real work gets done. It would help if the candidate has a background in public speaking. Or theater. Especially the Greek and Shakespearean tragedies where people get stabbed or poisoned by those close to them. That's invaluable stuff to draw upon as a selectman.

Fifth, a selectman needs to be relatively well off, financially, or have wealthy friends. Like Whitey Willauer. The sad truth is, folks, it takes a lot of cash to run a successful selectman's bid. The amount of money some have raised and spent would curl your hair. Ads and signs and PR events cost money. So it really helps to have money or know people who do.

Sixth, a selectman needs to be universally loved and respected. Like me. Unfortunately, I can't run this time around. Maybe next time.

So there you have it, people. The ideal candidate is a brilliant, moneyed, eloquent, private citizen with no town ties, who is in good health and who everyone loves.

Now we just need to convince my wife to run.

YACK on. I

Grant Sanders is the Host of YACK the Nantucket Online Community at yackon.com and he loves this time of year more than any other because the political season is in full swing and a new season of 24 on Fox has begun as well. His views are his own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial stance of The Nantucket Independent. Or his wife (who probably won't run either).