Pet Tracks

As I told Fred, my husband of 30+ years, my writing about dating is like the Pope dispensing information about birth control. Nonetheless, if I can indulge in some amateur psychology, there are many clues in the way we express and impress our personal styles, from how we dress, to the cars we drive, the pets we choose and the behaviors we affect, that provide signals to the future compatibility of a new relationship.

A new date can be thrilling, awkward, scary or dismal, or some of all of the above. As you get to know your new friend, there are some key clues that will give you insight into that person's values, attitudes and sensitivities.

Eating is a primal function. I have always maintained sharing a meal with another person is a very telling experience, particularly when done in a public place. How one approaches eating is a revealing peek into a person's inner workings and values.

Does your new friend dine with obvious enjoyment, savoring the food, interspersing bites with conversation or is food just a means to an end? Do they have irritating personal habits, such as chewing with their mouth open, blowing their nose during the meal or talking with their mouth full? Do they seem at ease in a refined restaurant setting and pretty much know their way around the place setting or does their comfort level demand a Happy Meal from McDonalds? Do they have quirky food habits? When the bill comes, do they hand it to you and tell you, as recently experienced by my single friend, they failed to bring their wallet to the prearranged date? Do they haul out the calculator to divvy up the bill and calculate the tip?

How do they interact with wait staff? Is your new friend a glad-hander, finding out everyone's name and using it repeatedly? Is he or she loud and boisterous, insisting on meeting the chef, or a complainer, criticizing the table location, seating arrangements or sending dishes back to the kitchen for minor reasons?

Maybe some of these behaviors don't seem obnoxious, annoying or important to you. Maybe you can tolerate one or two, or maybe several are potential points of contention. Whatever your reaction, all of these behaviors are an indication of basic value systems and they are key to how the two of you will fit together in the larger picture.

Similarly, if you are a pet owner, how your date relates to your pet or treats their own can be an important indicator of how they will treat you in a romantic relationship. For most of us, pets are an important part of our life. Pets need to be taken care of, exercised, loved, fed and groomed. If someone is caring and kind to their pet, most likely they will be caring and kind as part of a couple. If a person manages their pet by being domineering, mean and abusive, chances are they will eventually react that way with you.

Research shows the type of pet a person chooses can provide some insight into their personality type. People who choose large breed dogs usually like the fact that they provide a measure of protection. Sporting breeds are a good match for someone who loves physical activity and the outdoors and who also wants a faithful companion.

Toy and small-sized dogs are often chosen by people who like their pets to be manageable. Women might also think of them as babies or a highly personal accessory, to be dressed, fussed over and carried. Men who choose small dogs like things to be neat and controllable and a small dog also fulfills a need to be protective and nurturing.

People who pick fad or unusual breeds like the attention they create and the statement of uniqueness they make. This person can be fun, a trend setter or more interested in the furor of owning something different than in the actual pet itself.

What does it say about a person if they are thoroughly doting pet owners? Maybe they are just a loving, giving person with a strong need to nurture. Or maybe they just can't say no. Or, maybe they are overcompensating for something lacking in their lives.

Can an over-accessorizing, indulgent pet owner find true happiness with someone who views pets in a more practical, disciplined way? It's hard to say, but there would appear to be some conflicting basic values that would need resolving. With divergent parenting philosophies, there is great potential for a jealous party, whether it's the dog or the new love. A person who displays jealousy over your pet might have accelerated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity and is also likely to be wary of the time you spend with your friends or at your work.

In the final analysis, for a compatible, long-term relationship, choosing a mate that fulfills your needs, reaffirms your values and is compatible with your lifestyle is not really that different from choosing the

right pet. I

Jan Jaeger is owner of Geronimo's, Ltd., Nantucket's pet supply and gift shop, and is a member of DWAA and CWA (Dog and Cat Writer's Associations of America). Her pets at home are Junior, a Chesapeake Bay Retriever and three cats. At the shop are cats Messrs. Fish and Chips, Millie bunny, Willie guinea pig and three budgies. Send email to jan@geronimos.com.