Pet Tracks

My friend calls it "the curse of the eternally single." She is referring to the dating dance, the perpetual quest for Mr./Ms. Right. This very outgoing, attractive and active 50-something woman meets a lot of people, but she is still waiting for that special someone with whom to live happily ever after.

One other thing: she is the proud parent of three rescue dogs, all English Setters. She is the first to admit this can be a deterrent. Recently she met, according to her, Mr. Wonderful - at least until he was introduced to her dogs. She confessed, "The doggies were a deal breaker." The cynic in me says: what would you expect from a guy, never married and never even owning a pet, i.e., a classic avoider of responsibility and commitment, when faced with three special needs dogs? Come on! I have to admire her optimism, but the reality is, not everyone loves, or wants to love, your pets like you do.

How do you meet someone who will be compatible with your pets? Good question! Not too long ago I briefly caught a segment on the "Today Show." Three women on a panel were instructed to launch their search for a mate the same way they would start up a business. Form a Board of Directors with friends and family, make a plan, identify your target market, develop short and long term goals, then report in on a schedule. Voila!

If this approach seems far too calculating, you can use the resources of the Internet to meet potential pet partners through the plethora of pet-friendly dating services online. Or, go hang out at a dog park in your area. If your pet is a cat, bird or a tarantula, then you might have to rely on your existing circle of friends for social introductions.

If you really love your pet, the best bet for an enduring relationship is to find someone who shares that love of animals. Sometimes this is a bit difficult to discern, because pet tolerance can be faked. Another friend admits his cats were not a problem during the courtship process. Now the honeymoon is over, and his significant other feels secure enough in their relationship to no longer hide her dislike of the cats and she really would like to get them out of the house altogether. That's a bait and switch in my book.

How do you put your best paw forward? First, be open about having a pet or pets. Some people are allergic to animals, and while this problem often can be overcome, it might be an important and sensible screening factor up front.

Don't be discouraged if it is not love at first sight between your new friend and your pet. In fact, your pets might be a little standoff-ish if they feel threatened or jealous. Neutral ground can be a good way to make introductions. Arrange a meeting for a dog walk away from the house. Let your date hold the leash to encourage a connection.

Your friend should avoid being overly enthusiastic and should be restrained with affectionate overtures until they get the proper cues from your pet. Pets usually perceive hugs and stares as threatening gestures. If your pet is a cat, let kitty make the advances in her own time. Flowers and candy can impress a date and some irresistible dog cookies or kitty treats are a worthwhile try to win over the favorite pet as well.

People who have never had pets can't understand how people with pets can be less fussy about housekeeping details. It's probably because we deal with grime, goo, hair and bodily excretions on a regular basis. I have a sign in my kitchen proclaiming, "The cook is not responsible for pet hair in the food" ...it's a joke (sort of). But if this sounds like you, your compatibility with a Mr./Ms. Neat will most likely be problematic.

However, if you are motivated to make a good impression, get yourself organized and cleaned up before you invite a date over. Your accomplishments will have you feeling good about yourself in no time. Check your car windows for nose prints, your car seats, furniture and clothes for clinging pet hair. Invest in a lint roller or squeegee-type hair magnet to control errant hair deposits and a duster to snag tumbleweeds of hair and debris from room corners. Groom your pet, keep the litter box and the outdoor potty areas immaculate. When meals are over, pick up and wash out the pet dishes.

We get accustomed to our own level of mess and fail to notice odors that might be offensive, so you might want to invite a good friend over for a critical analysis of what they see and smell in your living areas that might be a turn off to others. On the other hand, maybe you don't care. If your pet is king or queen of your castle, allowed to sit and sleep anywhere, eat off your plate, counter surf and, in general, call the shots, then you should be on the lookout for someone with the same tolerance

for this lifestyle. I

Jan Jaeger is owner of Geronimo's, Ltd., Nantucket's pet supply and gift shop, and is a member of DWAA and CWA (Dog and Cat Writer's Associations of America). Her pets at home are Junior, a Chesapeake Bay Retriever, and three cats. At the shop are cats Messrs. Fish and Chips, Flower bunny, Millie guinea pig and two budgies. Send email to jan@geronimos.com.