YACK on: NFF11
Grant Sanders
It's that time of year again. The Eleventh Annual Nantucket Film Festival is here, starting tonight. I am very excited. I love the festival for many reasons.

One reason is that I'm in the advertising business, and in my line of work we actually make little films. Some might call them shorts. Well, they're actually really, really short. In fact, they're actually 30 seconds long. You might actually know them better as "commercials." And as a maker of commercials, I often draw inspiration from the writing and cinematic techniques I see in longer films. One could say that, for me, watching films is very much like research. Especially if you're my accountant. Yes, the film festival, for me, is actually, a great, big, fat, tax write-off. Do I have a great job, or what? Actually, I do.

Another reason I love the film festival is that there are always lots and lots of parties to attend. I have not been invited to any of them yet, but that does not matter. I'll just follow the smell of vodka and hair product and crash whatever party I run into. Works every year.

I'm a little sad about this year's film festival however, and that's because a friend of mine in Los Angeles named Andy submitted a film he co-directed and produced called "I'm Not Gay". And it was not accepted into the festival. I was shocked. First of all because his film, "I'm Not Gay", is very, very, very funny. Second, because this means Andy will not be coming to Nantucket to buy me steaks and to take me out fishing. And, without the exposure for his film, "I'm Not Gay," it is unlikely he will be able to amass enough capital to fund the project he and I were going to work on together this summer: A version of David Mamet's "Glengarry Glen Ross," shot entirely with seven-year-olds.

But then I saw the NFF11 web site and I felt much more enthusiastic. Some of these films sound really, really interesting. I haven't seen any of them, but I figured - what the hell - I'll review them anyway.

The first pick of mine is the opening film, "Al Franken: God Spoke." It's a documentary. But don't let that deter you from seeing it. Remember, President Bush's approval rating is at an all time low, which will make Al Franken seem two or three times funnier than he normally is. Comedy is about contrast. I learned that in ad school.

Next up, another documentary called, "Black Gold." This is a film about one of my all time favorite things: Coffee. How much do I love coffee? Well, as I write this, I'm working on my second pot of coffee of the day and it's 3:17 a.m., and I feel great. Really great. When I go to see "Black Gold" I plan on sneaking fifteen double espressos into the theater and doing a shot every time someone says the word "bean." Then I plan on vibrating until I catch fire.

My third film recommendation is another documentary. Really. Three in a row. This one has a title I can't even write in my column without getting fired. To find out what the film is called, slam your hand in a car door and then scream one word. That's the name of the film. Go see it. After you swing by the ER for some x-rays.

Fourth, I'm recommending a poignant little film called Wristcutters: A Love Story. It's about people who are dead. And it's not a documentary. It's actually a feature film about dead people. And it's a comedy. These are the kinds of films that I really, really love. Twisted little bits of art. The hard part, for me at least, is figuring out how to steal the ideas in this film to make a 30-second TV commercial for a car dealership. But that's my problem. You go ahead and enjoy the film.

My next recommendation isn't a film at all. It's called Morning Coffee With... And it's sort of a morning panel discussion about the film industry. As you know I love coffee, so anything called Morning Coffee With... has to be really great. The weird part is that Morning Coffee With... is being held each

morning at the Rose and Crown - a place where I've never been in the morning (unless you count one in the morning) and where I've never had a cup of coffee. I will therefore be attending Morning Coffee With... on the morning after I see Black Gold having drunk 15 espresso shots, so that I can stay up all night writing haikus about NASCAR racing and dancing to Irish folk music and then go to the Rose and Crown and drink more coffee. Yup. That should be good.

Another can't-miss film is another documentary. (This is getting weird, man...) It's called loudQUIETloud and it's about my favorite band of all time: Pixies. (It's Pixies, not the Pixies, as the NFF web site states. Whoever proofread the site is obviously not a fan, or not cool, or both.) I've seen this band live four times. They play songs like Wave of Mutilation, Bone Machine and There Goes my Gun. Often after leaving one of their concerts, I've felt like I've smashed my head in a car door. But in a good way. I plan on going to both screenings of this film in case Pixies bassist, Kim Deal, attends one of the screenings and she is available to autograph my forehead with a Sharpie.

My final pick is a movie called Dreamland and it's playing at the Starlight. Probably because the Dreamland Theater is closed for repairs (or, rather, a lack of them). I find this ironic. And irony is another hallmark of great comedy. Although this film, Dreamland, is not a comedy at all. It's a drama. More irony! This is going to be good. Two thumbs way up! I can't wait to turn this film into a TV commercial for an all-natural yogurt product packaged in a tube.

YACK on. I

Grant Sanders is the Host of YACK, the Nantucket Online Community at www.yackon.com (not at notgaymovie. com) and the last "screenplay" he wrote fit on one page and was for a community bank in southern Worcester County that has really great home equity rates. His views are his own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial stance of the Nantucket Independent. Although stranger things have happened.