GrantSanders YACK on: Enjoy

The season of complaining on Nantucket is officially over.

Okay, I’m lying. It really never ends. As the seasons change here on the island the things we gripe about simply change along with them.

For example, back in February we were complaining about the waste water treatment plant plans, taxes and massive, senseless property insurance rate hikes. This time of year, we complain about how visitors have no clue which way to drive in the Stop and Shop parking lot (Thank you, S&S management for finally re-painting the big friendly arrows in time for the 4th of July weekend). Or we complain (and laugh) about how some Nantucket neophyte always manages to drive the wrong way down Main Street and then take a left onto South Water Street. Or we complain that the super rich have arrived here with their innate sense of entitlement and snootiness that makes us locals want to concoct a plausible Ebola virus rumor by faking grand mal seizures at Jetties Beach with ketchup oozing out of our ears and noses. (To be believable, this little ruse will require deep-cover operative infiltration into healthcare, government and the news media on Nantucket to pull off—something we have pretty much already accomplished over here at YACK, the Nantucket online community. Stay tuned, and when you hear about it, play along. The tourists will leave, screaming, and we’ll have the whole island to ourselves.)

If by some chance, the Ebola thing does not work out, it’s important that we all try to enjoy the too-brief summer season here. Keeping in mind, as I have said in the past, the first person who sighs and says, “the summer is almost over!” will get a bluefish upside their head. So here are my tips for making the most of the time of year when Nantucket is the most desirable location on earth.

1. Ride a bike. Get the old two-wheeler out of the shed and spray a little WD-40 on the chains. Grab your helmet and shake the baby spiders out of it and hit the road. You’ll be burning hot dogs rather than gasoline (which are far less expensive and less harmful to the environment) and you’ll be getting a better sense of the island as a whole. Most importantly, you will slow down the pace of your life while simultaneously making it easier to get through normally clogged intersections such as Sparks and Surfside or Hooper Farm and Pleasant.

2. Find a quiet corner of the island. Yeah, I know, there aren’t many left. But they’re out there. Go find one. If you think I’m going to tell you about any of my secret quiet spots on Nantucket, you’ve lost your mind. Find your own darn secret quiet spot. And don’t send me $20 bills to get me to spill the beans either. ($50 bills are another thing entirely.)

3. Join the Clean Team on Saturday mornings at 8 a.m. Nothing gives you a deep appreciation of our island home like protecting it from selfish, ignorant litterbugs who should be rounded up and sent to some remote prison in the Ukraine for regular torture sessions broken up only by the sound of loud polka music. To get on the Clean Team mailing list and to find out where we are cleaning this week, send a request to Clean Team Chief Bill Connell at wconnell@connellwiener.com. It’s less than an hour out of your week, but it’ll make you feel great!

4. Eat outside. During the summer, my feeling is that people should eat outside every day. That’s why god invented patio furniture. And plastic cutlery.

5. Eschew beach driving. A note to all you people frothing at the mouth for your opportunity to drive out to the end of Smith’s Point now that the beach is accreting once again: Get a grip. In case you hadn’t noticed, the island is much more crowded than it used to be. We simply can’t do the things we used to do all the time. So if you want to fish off Smiths, grab your pole and a bottle of water and use the all-terrain vehicles that mother nature gave you: your feet. You’ll put more distance between yourself and that eventual heart attack and you’ll find that you’ll see and experience more of the island’s richness than you possibly could riding in air-conditioned luxury at 30 miles per hour six feet above the sand.

6. Be a tourist. Go into town. Do what the tourists do. Eat junky foods. Buy a t-shirt. Drive the wrong way down Main Street. It’s fun.

7. Swim daily. I wrote this in my column last year, and I’ll say it again: Swimming every day is a great way of marking time during the summer. Take the time to get out and get wet and the season will slip away far less quickly.

8. Get up early. My buddy, Ackboater, says the best way to enjoy the island is to get up early enough to go do the things you love before anyone else can get up and impose the rules that tell you not to. Good advice.

9. Take a day off. I saw a pitiful sight the other day. A guy in shorts and sandals walking down Broad Street with a brief case and a cell phone surgically attached to his ear complaining loudly that he was finding it difficult to get work done here. What a dork. I’m going to work a few hours extra Monday through Thursday and take every single Friday off this Summer. That way, my vacation will last 9 weeks.

10. Throw as many beach parties as you can. A fire on the beach with 15 friends, some burgers, some s’mores and a cooler of beer as the sun sinks below the horizon is one of the greatest pleasures on this earth. It’s also pretty much illegal. So try not to get caught.

YACK on.

Grant Sanders is the Host of YACK, the Nantucket online community at www.yackon.com which is showing no signs of slowing down this summer. Check us out.